People divorce for two reasons mostly: money troubles and fucking other people. One of the main documents you file in a divorce is a financial affidavit. It is supposed to give a snapshot to the court of how much money you got, what you spend that money on, what assets you have, and what liabilities you have. However, in practice, your objective is to convince the court you’re fucking destitute and can’t pay a damn thing to anyone and poor pitiful me.

Ive been seeing more divorces lately and its just peachy. Give me the drug dealers and rapists over these people.

So in one case the other side makes twice as much as our client. Our client scratches by so we filed a motion for temporary attorneys fees and alimony (alimony less likely) the hearing goes as expected. Her attorney grills our guy finding out that he could actually squeeze out 200 more a month or so. Then its our turn.

Q:So uh, respondent, you claim 2500 a month in expenses on animals?

A:Yes.

Q: And what do you do with these animals?

A: Ride them, show them.

Q: Ever win anything?

A: No.

Q: So they’re a hobby?

A: Yes.

Q: A hobby you claimed $35000 in business losses last year in your separate IRS filing right?

A: Uh I dont remember the amount

Q: You and my client separated on So and So date right?

A: Yes

Q: And you bought a 100K Motor Home around that same time, right?

A: Yes

Q: My client’s not on that note is he?

A: No

Q: My client’s never been in it, is that right?

A: He knew about it but he never went in it.

Q: Is it solely in your name?

A: No.

Q: Who else?

A: My mom.

Q: She helps you buy things?

A: (admits to the mother basically subsidizing almost 3 large a month in expenses she didnt claim on her fucking affidavit)

JUDGE: Why did you buy a 100K RV?

A: For my son’s mental condition. It helps him with familiar surroundings during our vacations.

JUDGE: How often is that?

A: Twice a month.

*pin drops, loud as a bomb*

/me gets to litigate rest of case on her dime.

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