I’m trying to relocate from city 17 to jurisdiction X, where i earned my license a while ago. The reason? A woman. Such is life.

The problem is, the woman owns a home in a part of Jurisdiction X that is at least an hour from any major hub of legal activity. Hence practically all of the jobs listed there would involve horrendous commutes. The woman, though, landed a gig at a small law firm that’s fucking walking distance from her house. She leaves the house at 8:55 am every non court day.

So every day for me its more of the same: browse craigslist, lawjobs, indeed and the job bank I managed to get access to at a law school in Jurisdiction X. Step 1. Draft a carefully crafted cover letter focusing on that specific firm, always mentioning some aspect of the website for said firm. Step 2: edit my resume to highlight the areas of law I have practiced in that best harmonize with the target firm’s practice. Step 3: Email Step 4: Pray for mojo.

Well these tried and true steps have largely felt like kicking dead people and waiting for someone to kick back. It’s been a vortex, a black hole of shit into which I spend nearly 20 minutes on each resume and cover letter, and never even get a response.

Well fuck me if there wasn’t an epic confluence of factors that led to this:
“Smith” County small law firm (smith not actual county name mind you) seeks Junior Associate 2-5 years with varied practice background. Apply with recruiter at dumbassrecruiteremail@yahoo.com.

Well this is some luck! I happen to fit the bill, and the woman lives in Smith County, so I fire off my resume and another cover letter.

Phone rings 90 seconds later. It’s the recruiter! Holy shit! He and I talk, and he says my salary demand is what they’re looking for and I seem to be a good candidate. He tells me the name of the firm, tells me to go check out their website, and he will pass me on to them.

I check out the website. DOUBLE Holy Shit! This place is right down the street from my woman’s law firm! We could do romantic lunch fucking! Perfect! Then I go to look at the partners in the firm. TRIPLE Holy Shit! Three of them have licenses in Jurisdiction X and where i am from! QUADRUPLE Holy Shit! They all went to TTT’s and one of them is a graduate from MY TTT!!!

Well I do a little cosby-show-style dance and think to myself that my ship may have finally come in and I’m thrilled. I mean, it’s an alumni from my TTT! My salary demand is reasonable, and I’ll be living minutes from work!

Well its thursday, the recruiter I assume sends my resume onto the firm the next day, and I might hear something next week. The recruiter gives me his cell in case I need anything.

Well a week passes. I call in, asking if he has heard anything. “Oh I will call you dont worry.”

Another week passes. I shoot him an email. He’s out of the office.

Another week passes. I shoot him another email. He doesn’t respond.

Another week passes and i never hear from anyone again.

Fuck this gay earth. Anyways this is what the unemployed are going through so I should be thankful for my little shitlaw shop. It could always be worse.

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