So here’s the skinny. They put out an ad asking for an associate with minimum 5 civil trials. I send them a cover letter saying “Yes I know you want 5 civil trials but I have just as much criminal trial experience, plus I can handle divorces, small commercial matters, auto accidents, etc. I would also help the bottom line as I would work for less than the 5 civil trial guys would ask for since I’m coming from a low cost of living area and would realistically ask for mid fifties to start with my 3 years exp.”

It was a long shot. But it was literally 4 minutes from where I would live in Jurisdiction X, at my old lady’s house. While I was up here they moved the interview to Saturday morning (which was not a real problem as I didnt fly home until well 30 minutes from now on Monday) so I used Thursday night as a chance to ask around at a local fundraiser. A partner at my GF’s firm who is a nice guy (but they avoid all criminal cases so i dont have a possible job there) said to drop his name at the interview, that they all know each other, and it would separate me from anyone else since I’m not a harvard guy. Makes sense. Well it didnt do one fucking lick of good.

I meet the old geez out in front of the firm on Saturday. He rolls up in his beamer, and greets me at the door to let me into the conference room. “I don’t have your resume, but I know you know it, so let’s talk.” I am cordial and affable, I explain to him some of my life’s difficulties (family deaths, etc) and my successes (making it as a lawyer) and my major cases (various Columbian drug lords, rape boy, my dozen or so divorces and various auto accident cases, the appeals I’ve written, etc) and he’s eating it up. But then he drops the hammer “So how many civil trials have you had, we do have some criminal matters but we largely do commercial litigation and civil trials, sex harrassment, discrimination, etc” Well I was honest and said 0 trials in those departments, but I put that in my resume and cover letter, and it’s just a matter of

“Well i gotta be honest with you Toiletlawyer, our senior litigator has been on sick leave for a year and we need someone to help pick up the slack and we’ve interviewed a lot of quality people and without the civil trial experience you’re very weak. I don’t make up my mind at the first interview but i have to be honest with you I dont want you to think you’ve wasted your time but I do wish you luck with your job search.”

In other words you wasted your fucking time. No, you old senile fuck you wasted my time. I at least will fuck my girlfriend, eat a fancy valentine’s day dinner, and piss away a paycheck at the poker tables getting lit up at the same time. You will die an old fucker’s death, your left ventricle collapsing under it’s own tepid weight, fluid choking the life out of you as you slowly fade away into the cold grasp of death, unloved, uncared for, and lonely.

Bitter? Nah. TBH they never should have called me, then I wouldnt have gotten my hopes up. I didnt win at the poker tables, but I did get laid and that aint half bad.

3 Responses to “More on the waste of time”