No Girlfriend Perks
Things I have been able to do since losing the girlfriend:
-
Eat at Hooters. Wing snobs get all pissy whenever I say that Hooters has my favorite wings, but I love those little deep-fried sauce-covered bastards. My ex got so pissy and insecure when I ventured over there that I had completely removed Hooters from my rotation.
-
Watch porn. The ex was a bit of a prude in this department. I used to ‘take care of myself’ in the shower while I thought about random sexy things. Now my imagination has taken a vacation…
-
Randomly go to a bar. The ex had grown to expect my arrival 30-50 minutes after I was off and would get lonely and insecure if i was more than a handful of minutes late. Now, if the mood strikes, I grab a beer or two after work. Say what you will about bar-folk, the crowd at my nearby bar is collegial and fun. I’ve even had some success at the nightly dart tournaments (first prize being a $50 tab).
-
Let my bedroom get messy. Who really minds a few days worth of dry cleaning sitting on the floor? The ex was insane about having a perfectly clean bedroom before going to bed. Drove me mad.
-
Waste time. I don’t mean going to the bar or anything similar – I mean lying around on a Saturday morning watching Nickelodeon. The ‘big’ thing I did this Saturday was spend three hours ‘pwning some noobs’ at Team Fortress 2. (I also ordered a large pizza.)
-
Not have to constantly worry about someone else’s feelings. I hated having to deal with my ex’s hurt feelings whenever I would do something like “sound angry” or watch one of ‘our’ tv shows without her.
I don’t mean this post to sound as though I had no feelings for Val. We had a great run and a ton of fun. I won’t say that any guy would be lucky to have her as she is/was a royal pain in the ass. I would lay great odds that she is going to find some successful, minuscule guy that doesn’t mind her being a rancid, self-absorbed bitch and marry him.
Tags: Life